What is Bringing You Joy Today?

And Iraqi Etrog Jam Recipe

I have been feeling a chasm - two vast sides of self. Two vast sides of narrative. Two vasts sides of love and hate. You can choose your camp. Both contain the love and the hate. We are all human on both sides of the chasm.

The deepest chasm lies in my heart. I remind myself I have a left atrium and ventricle and a right atrium and ventricle. One pumps blood into the other. The blood visits my whole body. The old blood is replaced by new blood, oxygenated with every new breath I take. The old leaves. The new enters. This is what it means to be alive. To move across space from left to right and back again. The right side of my heart can’t live without the left.

The heart beats.

And all I can think is how much we need each other to live. How we need to move across the chasm, back and forth, heart beat.

What causes a chasm?

There are so many reasons. We all know our own. We all want to justify our own.

I have heard people say for democracy you can destroy everything. I have heard people say when you stub your toe you mutter Jew, like a curse. I have heard people say they feel sorry for anyone who needs to work next to someone who voted a certain way.

I don’t have the heart to say political names. It’s the feelings that I am interested in. The hate. What lies under it…Fear.

The chasm is full of unsaid fears.

Maya Angelou says, “Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.”

We all need to dive into our personal chasms. To face the unknown within. When I think of chasm I think of tohu vavohu - that state from which the world was before God ordered it into light and dark, split waters, land, celestial stars, proper days. I translate tohu vavohu as ‘astonishingly empty’.  Many translate it as chaos. What lies within? What do we need to bring light to? Our darkness to… What would make up proper days?

Lately I’ve been lost in the chasm of questions. Feelings take over. And then I received a message from a friend:

What is bringing you joy today?

She reminded me of what else lies in the chasm. How to survive the chasm. The secret against terror. That there is another way in this world — joy.

What I always want to write about — that there is still joy. So many soldiers have died, and yet there is a full moon. So many Hezbollah rockets are being launched into Israel and yet autumn crocus flowers bloom, breaking through the cracked dry earth, fresh. The first ones are called Stavinot Yoreh - Yoreh is the Hebrew word for the first rains that we pronounce a blessing on as Jews only in Israel. Every year I wait for these early rains, wait to say the blessing. A blessing of gratitude.

A week or so ago I received a gift of etrog jam from my Iraqi friend (distant, beloved relative) at my local coffee shop. Its citrusy peels drenched in a heady syrup that reminded me of all that can be created from what’s left. I had two etrogs left from Sukkot. I wanted to try the Iraqi Jewish recipe. My friend gave me her recipe and I looked up Daisy Iny’s recipe in The Best of Baghdad Cooking: With Treats from Tehran, and began the three day process of removing the rind, preserving the peels, soaking the peels in water and pouring the water out each day until it was time to boil them on the third day with fresh water. Then throw out the water again, and add the sugar, simmer, in the last twenty minutes add two tablespoons of lemon, add cardamom and rosewater. Do not overcook the preserves like I do so the peels are hard as candy. Let it be a soft jam.

It’s a long process, and mine is more an intense citrus extract, but still I love my jam.

Until I made my jam I didn’t know etrogs have so many pips. With sacred awe I bury the etrog fruit in my garden. It has so many seeds, one may germinate. I feel like I am planting tohu vavohu - all I don’t know. The hope of what may grow gives me joy.

Nothing is too small for joy. Maybe nothing is too sad either.

We walk to the Saturday night shiva of Rabbi Avraham Goldberg held at the parking lot by the garage. A fallen soldier, a fallen Rabbi of eight children. Age 43, my age. It was a couple of weeks ago now. But the songs of the evening have stayed with me. Of Eishet Chayil, a Woman of Valor, such a sweet song, such bitter tears, the song of proverbs he will never again sing to his wife, Rachel. But still in the dark we gathered and we sang this song for her. I’m not sure of the comfort it brings. What is bitter joy? I am told Avi’s wife, Rachel instructed that knesset members could only visit the house of mourning if they came with an opposition member. She invited the chasm into her house of mourning. In the dark I taste the piquant etrog preserves on my tongue as we leave the mass of people swelling with bereaved song. I leave feeling that no matter what happens at least we have each other.

God is the God of small things.

Small matters. Like our children. Like the daring pink crocus flower. Like a beating heart. A small organ, the size of a clenched fist. Like a traditional song sang every Friday night to the woman of the house. We need to take care of the small things.

Know the chasm of hate is real. Know joy is real too. Small joys can build ladders, bridges, songs. Small is miraculous. Small makes up this big, overwhelming world. Never underestimate a small word. Once we lose our small worlds the big world has no chance.

So let us take care of small humanness. Let us be mighty hearts. Let us feel joy deeply. Send a message to a friend - What is bringing you joy today?

Sarah

Below is the Etrog Jam recipe (it works with all citrus fruits) — Let me know how it goes. And don’t forget the notes below - which includes a link to a fun Heritage Words Podcast I was blessed to take part in with the Jewish Language Project

Etrog Jam Recipe (Can also use oranges and other citrus fruits)

Ingredients

Etrogs (as many as you have)

Sugar (equal amount to peels)

Water (half amount of sugar)

9 whole Cardamom pods (optional)

2 Tblspn Lemon (or more depending on amount of peels)

1 Tbspn Rosewater (optional)

Method

1. Peel off the rind of the etrog, but not too deep you will be preserving the white peel. Peel the white peels and keep them in a bowl. Discard the etrog fruit.

2. Cover peels with cold water for three days. Each day drain the water out and recover with fresh water.

3. On the third day boil the peels in the water for 30 minutes. Discard the water, and boil again in water for 30 minutes. Rinse and cool, and press the peels between fingers to squeeze out water.

4. Measure the peels and measure an equal amount of sugar to the peels. Measure half the amount of water to the sugar and boil for 8 minutes. Add the peels. Simmer for on medium-low for 30 minutes.

5. Reduce heat very low and add cardamom and lemon juice. Simmer for 15 minutes. In the end add rosewater and bring to boil, and then remove from heat. Let cool and store in clean jar.

Note. You may boil until golden but don’t over boil or the peels will harden. .

Do not over boil otherwise the peels will harden into candy.

Notes:

Heritage Words Podcast with the Jewish Language Project - Ashtidek: Preserving the beauty of Judeo-Arabic I hope you enjoy this conversation with the wonderful Sarah Benor as much as I did. It’s sometimes painful to be reminded of how much I don’t know in Judeo-Arabic because of my family’s displacement, but also pretty wonderful to remember what I do. And I am learning Judeo-Baghdadi so I’ll get there.

Substack Posts that educate and comfort - In these trying, baffling times my brain has been looping trying to explain why I have a right to exist safely as a Middle Eastern Jew in Israel. It’s comforting to receive Substack emails from Andrew Fox and Future of Jewish - both contain facts from the ground, and Future of Jewish has different contributors which often delve into deep history and research. Check them out if you need the boosts of facts to share with friends to keep this world sane and safe.

PJ Library Holiday Guide - A Time of Hope: I am grateful to have written a piece for Purim in this beautiful PJ Library Holiday Guide - Purim and the Joy of Owning Your Identity. Do look up PJ Library and join their generous book program and enjoy their wonderful parent and kid friendly resources - here.

For more about me and my writing visit my website www.sarahsassoon.com

To support my work please consider buying my children’s books, the award winning Shoham’s Bangle, and my latest This is Not a Cholent. My mission is to spread and educate about Jewish Middle Eastern culture.

Read my free online, award winning poetry collection, published by Harbor Review - This is Why We Don’t Look Back.

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Sarah’s Substack - Picking Lemons is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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